So be it !

After rowing for quite a while now, my hands felt numb. The sun was right above my wet head. My friend, who was left behind, seemed perfectly enjoying himself. The summer sun, the humidity, the fear of drowning; nothing seemed to come between him and his adventure.

We were half a mile into the sea and the shore was hardly visible. “Wow!” I said to myself. Finally something exciting……..something to remember. Something not everyone gets to do in Goa. Just me and my raft, in the middle of this vast expanse of green liquid. Great….. Sometimes blue actually. But the reality struck hard. This was not as thrilling as expected to be. “Oh come on” I said to myself. Not again. All this was not able to give me those goose bumps anymore. That spine- tinkling experience had just disappeared somewhere. Something inside me was dying. Something that I had cherished for so long, wanted to nurture and capture inside me. Forever…….
Alas! “The Boy” inside me had just refused to come out. The little naughty, always craving, always jumping, less worrying, little questioning, stupid kid had faded away. “Bro not this time” I said to my brain. No respite from this constant thinking machine, I thought. Not even in the middle of this ‘to be’ adventure. I quit rowing further, it was apparently useless now. The X factor was long gone. This was a changed person riding on those familiar waves. Oh guess what “The Man” is here. The process of change is acting. This person is more disciplined, less craving, manipulative, always worrying, cribbing, sensible and full of doubts and his unnecessary, never ending questions.
It’s like those odd feelings that run through your head. It’s like those Hollywood movies in which suddenly one day you wake up and you are a grown up man. “Wake up buddy, time to earn a living”…..haa too much to take in. My skin started burning from this scorching summer heat. Time to get back I thought. Time to get back to this relentless search of happiness. The search, which had just got worse. Maturity gun had fired its shells. It was time to face the bombardment. This transformation seemed to be malicious, secretive and too slow to be noticed. These days, the only thing on mind was Money, property, career and that need for power. And of course fame, a sense of achievement. Parties seemed stupid, friends just a ‘pass time’ and vacation felt like just another gimmick by the Almighty, to make me realize how miserably reluctant I am. Reluctant to face the truth. The truth that the money in my pocket belongs to the person who is working hard at this moment to fulfill my wishes. I gazed at my expensive water resistant watch. It was Tuesday, 10 A.m. He must be off for work, I thought. No wonder my ‘bro’ has an acute shortage of this skill called timing.
My friend seemed tired by now. Thank god. I turned my kayak and rowed towards the shore. The beautiful sight seemed overwhelming. Blood gushed through my veins. I was rowing hard. The adrenalin rush had arrived. I tried to fight back my misery. Then I said to myself, ‘Chill mamu’. A lot had to be done; a lot had to be achieved. And now there was this new person to be discovered. Altogether a new beginning. New heights to be scaled. I smiled. I knew that it was time to prove my self to this world. It was time to give back everything that was invested in me right from the beginning.
Very rare, but a time comes, when you realize that its time to get started. Started with the process called success. Something told me that I can do it with ease. Being an optimist does its bit you see……….The person should be proud of this kid he has been looking after for so long. The Dreams have to turn into reality. It was time to take life seriously, without killing the kid inside me. And more importantly, it was time to make sense of this living. Do something which will help me become that man I have been craving for, something for my ‘pass times’, the people to whom I owe this life and for the beautiful girl waiting for me on the beach.

Rowing back was less painful. Body was exhausted but the cribbing had stopped. I was filled with this optimism, this desire to do. All this energy was breathtakingly exciting. “Yes we can” flashed in front of my eyes with that obama smile. Hahaha. I couldn’t help smiling. My friend was again left behind.
Soon I found myself on the shore. Beautiful white sand had filled my slippers. The day had turned beautiful, the moment- timeless. A memory to cherish, a reminder that would bring me back to this moment when everything turned black because it was supposed to do its job. The job of reminding me that it’s my turn to make others happy, just as others have made me a several hundred times. God has a plan you see, so be it…… Amen! :P

The Irony of Happiness!

There were times when even a school picnic would excite us; we would be making plans for weeks. Carry our favourite clothes, jackets and of course - the walkman. School days were different indeed. Then came times when these things seemed stupid.
As we grow, the whole definition of happiness changes. College life is no doubt amazing, but if one is looking for the masti of school, then that can’t be guaranteed. Birthday parties turn into beer parties. Crushes turn into serious relationships. And again the walkman becomes the I-pod.
But the question still remains that ‘Do these changes bring more happiness?’ The answer is not with me. Infact not with anyone else around. The simple toys that made us happy back then, can never be replaced by the super toys we are running after today.

They say, great power brings great responsibilities. And the same logic applies to desire. If you own a bike, you would probably be looking out for a car and the one with an E-class is striving for an S-class. One might wonder why the things we already own, do not excite us anymore. It can be called the Irony of Hapiness.

The more we want, the more we strive. It is like the innocence and the inner happiness that we once possessed is lost somewhere. Greed is good but greed is not god. We must not forget that even simple things in life can give us immense happiness that we desire.
I quite remember that I used to play with marbles in the backyard. Aiming at the bigger one and trying to collect as many as possible was the only aim in my life. That would rather make me happy. One would laugh out loud if today he thinks about earning marbles. So what has changed? Is it the thing or the thinking? May be a combination of both.

So do we stop craving for bigger and better things? Of course not! That would be irrational. But there has to be a balance between passion and greed. Success will follow those who follow their dreams and not their fickle mind.
Happiness is within us and happiness can be found in small things. But these small stuffs do not make us the big daddy that we want to be. And this single phenomenon makes us run around the circle of perpetual grief.
The whole thing comes to a single point that we have been hearing since childhood ------ ‘Be satisfied with what you have!’
Wow that would be so great only if it was humanly possible……….